Beginnings of a New Life

Having lived in Ayutthaya off and on for some 6 years, enabled me to become friends with some of the mae chi [Buddhist nuns] at Wat Yai Chai Mongkhon.

I had now fully recovered from my ordeal and knew for certain that the blessings I had received, were a result of merit made in my previous life. Thamasat Hospital was very proud of my case. They told me that 90% of all patients with 'pseudominis' infection, don't live to tell the tale. If nothing else was clear to me, this merit from the past had come to my rescue.

I still didn't have any strong desire towards life, still confused as to why I was alive. From early childhood I never believed that a person could commit crimes and then be forgiven by an outside entity. Even in this life, if one kills another human being, one goes to jail and bears the consequences. After death, why should this be any different? The Buddhist concepts were always in line with my deeper thoughts, though I didn't know it at the time. I refused to be brainwashed by anybody in this respect, call it stubborn if you will.

I approached the nuns and asked if it would be possible for me to be ordained for a short period of time, as a form of merit-making. I was ushered to meet the head nun and was accepted, but only for 7 days. If I could withstand this, I would always be welcome to extend another 7 days, which I happily did before the end of the first week. For nuns who want to shave their heads, they too must go through the initial 7 days to see if they are able to cope with the regime of ordination. Then they approach the head nun, who will then approve or disapprove the request to shave the head. Nuns over the age of 60 years of age are no longer permitted to shave their heads and requesting monk hood will also not be approved in Thailand, if the individual is over 60 years of age. The reason for this is that biologically the body spirals into a downward motion, especially after the age of 60. The Abbott or the head nuns worry that such an ordained person will become a liability to the temple, due to illness or inability to withstand rigorous schedules of being ordained.

A date was set and when the big day arrived, I was shown to my 'kuti' [hut] to settle in and get ready for the monks. When taking the vows, this is done in front of 5 monks. Five lotus flowers, together with 5 candles, packets of incense sticks and 5 envelopes for money are prepared for the ordination, one set for each monk. How much money is put in the envelope is up to the individual, but anything less than 20 baht notes is a little pathetic to say the least. Nobody is that poor...especially if they intend to be ordained! Next, repeating after the head monk, or leader, I had to recite the 8 precepts. Having done that and whatever was required for me to chant, the tray with the 5 sets of offerings is presented to the head monk, who then passes this down the line so to speak. The head monk then chants the mantra for transfer of merit to ancestors and others, who have died, while I slowly pour water into a brass bowl. Having completed this, all five monks chant mantras of blessing for the ordination. This marks the end of the short initiation ceremony. The water that I poured into the brass bowl, is then poured near any large tree, to enable ancestors to receive the merit that was made and shared.

What is the daily ritual, for the 1st ordination that I took on? First of all I must consider myself very lucky to be able to speak the thai language, as this temple doesn't have much to offer in the way of english speaking monks or nuns. I doubt I would have pulled this off if it weren't for this ability to speak thai. Though not fluent, I found my thai gradually improving as dhamma teachings were a daily affair here. Now I'm getting ahead of myself.

I would usually wake up at 5 am and after a cup of coffee, buy alms food for the monks. This offering would be made at around 7 am, after which it was time for me to have breakfast before the morning chant, which
was always conducted at 7:30 am. The nuns would chant at the 'sallah' or recreational meeting hall, and the monks would chant inside the ordination hall. The nuns would usually translate all their chanting into thai as well, whereas the monks only chant in the pali language. This ritual generally lasted an hour and also included etiquette rules for nuns. From the way we sleep, what we wear in our 'kuti' [hut], what we use for sleeping, to how to dress properly, to manners when in public or among ourselves. This included language that was appropriate for an ordained nun, [example: one doesn't turn around and say "fuck you" and one doesn't speak in a loud rowdy voice at any given time]. Our whole demeanor would have to change. The goal is also to try and remain detached at any given situation, and not get emotionally carried away. In short there was much to be learnt. On Tuesdays and Thursdays chanting was conducted mainly in the pali language, and various mantras were practised so that nuns and monks could also chant together when the occasion arose.

After the morning chanting was over, we have some free time until 10 am. When I first became ordained the morning meditation hour hadn't started yet, for lack of a good teacher monk. Now there is 1 hour meditation from 10 am to 11 am, after which lunch, or the last meal of the day is served for monks and nuns. Mae chi are under 8 precepts and therefore cannot eat any solid food after 12 noon until sunrise the next morning. This is to train the body in preparation for meditation. Food has got to be the single most dangerous aspect of being ordained. Why?? Eating too much makes one liable to sleep during meditation. It leaves the body feeling uneasy, bloated and just basically uncomfortable. Eating too little will leave one feeling hungry in the afternoon and evening. Both ways are a form of suffering. The trick is to know how much food to partake of, for the body to remain healthy and free from pain and discomfort. This in itself is already one form of meditation. We reflect on chewing and swallowing, basically the whole biological process of eating. We reflect on why and how much we eat. Food is supposed to sustain life....no more and no less.
Whether the meal is delicious or not, is of no importance. When the food is delicious, the tendency to overeat is always a threat. That doesn't mean that we don't enjoy our food. It just means that we place less importance on it. Desires of eating something tasty is 'gile' or defilement which we try to do away with. The final goal of an ordained person is to slowly and gradually leave everything of this world behind. We leave the world the same way that we entered it....alone and with nothing. The luxuries that we acquire are the fruits of merit made in a previous life. There is nothing wrong with enjoying this, however, we constantly have to remind ourselves of the impermanence of all things. Reflecting on impermanence and therefore 'not self' is a major subject. How can anything that is so impermanent be called 'self'? Can we stop our bodies from changing and getting old? The answer is no. Knowing this in the head is very different from knowing this in your heart.

Enough of the subject of food and impermanence. Lunch has been served and there's a short break before meditation starts again. When I was first ordained, the early afternoon meditation had not yet come into being. In those days, meditation began at 3 pm and only lasted an hour. Nowadays, thanks to an excellent teacher, we start meditating at 1 pm to 4 pm. The 3 hour meditation is broken up into 1 hour sitting, 1 hour meditation walking, and finally another hour sitting in meditation. The session ends with some chanting and the transfer of merit to ancestors and other spirits who have departed from this world.

After meditation we have a break until 7:30 pm when the evening chanting begins. For evening chanting, nuns and monks chant together in the pali language. I was again blessed in that I was given a book of mantras which contained the morning and evening chants in pali [karaoke english]. This made chanting a little easier. Basically it was a matter of adjusting which I didn't find difficult at all.

This was basically my routine for 15 full days until I was forced to leave due to an expiring visa.
Little did I know that this experience was to become the blue-print of my future!